Ouch. This was a rough week.
In the struggle of what I wish my life was like every day and the real life I have to deal with, real life won out by a large margin this week.
Times like this I have to go back to a very simple but favorite saying for encouragement, “They say it gets better in the end, so if it’s not getting better, it must not be the end!”. I’m not sure who “they” are, but I hope they have the wisdom of the ages to back up that prediction.
I strive to maintain a level mood, and most days I am very successful. I do this by drifting back to places like the picture above. This was taken on a small lake in North Carolina. I wandered out on this dock as the sun began to set over a very calm water. No wind. No sound. No distractions but my own thoughts. I was alone and void of pressure from outside. It required me to focus on letting myself get just as calm on the inside. This helps me remember that inner peace is something I can really get used to.
So much goes on around me every day that can really put a hurting on my emotional stability. Like others around me, I have to deal with illogical people; people who are smarter in their heads than they are in real life; people who challenge my integrity and my sanity at the same time. Add to that the noise of everyday living, the pressures I let others put upon me, and internal strife that I carry as baggage from the past; Kaboom. If I let it all have a piece of my soul, there will never be any left for me.
So I can’t let that happen.
I find my “dock” like the one above. I take a few minutes and realize that the only person I have to answer to every day is myself. I need to step back, breathe deeply and let out the frustration that comes along in dealing with other beings. We all have our daily battles. I am not alone and can’t survive by always being focused on just my struggles without taking a moment to identify my part in keeping these struggles alive, and how I chose to get caught up in group angst.
I need to ask myself: Am I trying the hardest I can to do the best with what I have and who I have to work with? Do I look to find the common goals I might have even with those who are selfishly only looking out for their own interests every day? Can I do something to make the people around me happier and try to improve my environment by improving theirs? Do I try to change the things I can’t and create my own internal struggles in the process?
This week I need to spend a few more hours sitting on the dock. I need to flush the poison of emotional sabotage from my system and breathe back in the realization that I don’t need to let others pick away at my soul. They can chose to do that to themselves, but not to me. My goal will never be to help them self destruct, but always just to help them get into a better place when I can.
I will get up tomorrow and do what I am able and as long as the end of the day lets me lay my head back down with my integrity and my character intact; I’ll be ready to do it again the next tomorrow that I may be granted access to.
I admire the mighty saguaro cactus; an amazing adapter to the harsh desert environment where it thrives. This plant can grow over 40 feet tall, weigh in at many tons, and live well beyond 100 years. It is the giant overseer of the arid landscape it calls home.
I took this picture on an afternoon hike through the mountains of Arizona in the Sonoran Desert. This is the only place on earth to see these remarkable cactus. I was surrounded by saguaros of varying size, but this one stood tall, high up on a rock out-cropping; a guardian surveying its leagues and I imagined its stentorian commands echoing through the rock walled canyons through the ages.
The saguaro survives by acclimating to the unpredictability of a desolate landscape that counts raindrops as a precious commodity. Plunging a taproot up to 5 feet into the desert sand, and then stretching out a network of shallow finger roots to capture surface water; the larger saguaros can gather up to 200 gallons of liquid from a single rainfall.
Adaptability like this is so important, especially if I want to able to leave any legacy. My environment changes daily. Weather changes, social circumstances change, financial positions change, locations change, attitudes change. The list goes on and change is one of the few consistencies I can count on in life. How I adapt to these changes plays an enormous part in my ability to be successful in negotiating the passing days with a positive outlook. Failure to adapt moves me from the chain of events each day, discarded as the weaker link. Like the saguaro, I must be adaptable.
I do wonder if I should always be willing to bend to adapt all the events that make up my day? What if by giving in at times I compromise my integrity just a little? Adaptability is key, and I have to be willing to compromise at times; but what determines the limits of my compromise? Interesting comparison here that once again my friend the saguaro can teach.
If this immense and prodigious succulent allows the hardiness of its wooden support structure to be compromised it can fall the entire cactus. This same inner skeleton is what keeps the longest living legacy of the desert upright in the blowing sands that attempt to topple it. A spiny exterior fends off the larger predators that can harm it, but certain birds can create a small hole in just the right place, and the cactus will form a barrier that keeps it healthy and allow the two a symbiotic relationship. Standing straight and true give this beauty the strength it needs to hold strong to its roots.
I cannot compromise the values that make me who I am or I too will start a downward slide that eventually will lead to my own demise. I have to keep up my guard each day and be aware of my surroundings. I have to be present in the moments I have and make certain my relationships are based on trust and mutual respect. I have to be truthful in the dealings I have with others, and keep myself healthy in mind and body to perform at the level of expectation I set for myself.
I must adapt, but never compromise my integrity. I must be able to stand straight and work only in truth. If I am careful to do these things, I can weather the storms, survive the droughts and hope for the chance to live a life worthy of legacy.